I bet he comes in French.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Of course I have a pirate flag
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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