She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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