Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
