You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
