He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
