I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
