Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
