He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
