Jerry, you need to find god
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
