Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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