best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
