remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
