Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The feeling are messing with the penis
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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