my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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