In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
