I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
