His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
