wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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