If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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