so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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