i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
