what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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