i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
