He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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