We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
