As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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