She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
