i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
