how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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