I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
