she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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