were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
