I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
