Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
