I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
