I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
