I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
