i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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