I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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