I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
