Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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