so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
