The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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