Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
