somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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