I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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