Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
