fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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