i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
