When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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